Summary
Like many women who grew up with Disney princesses and happily ever afters, I dreamt of getting married someday. I held onto that dream until very recently, where I’m coming to terms with the possibility that I probably don’t want to get married at all.
For context, I have an amazing partner of nine years, and we’re already at the point where we’re discussing these kinds of things. But lately, I’ve been enjoying my 30s quite a lot on my own, and I’m scared of losing the freedom I currently have once we enter the marriage phase.
I’m not closing any doors (well, not everything in life is final except, um… death?), but I’m slowly arriving at the possibility that marriage may not be for me at all. Or maybe it could be. I don’t know. 🤷♀️
Here are some of the things currently influencing my decision on whether to pursue marriage or not.
The Pressure of Getting Wed
Let’s start with weddings, since they’re easier to unpack.
As a 32 year old, I’ve been under pressure to get married. Every now and then, people (especially relatives) would ask me “Kailan na kayo magpapakasal?”. People my age & even younger ones are getting married ahead of me as well. It’s hard when you’re expected to keep up with everyone else, something I’ve been actively trying to unlearn as a recovering people pleaser and overthinker.
The thing is: while I believe in the concept of marriage, I really can’t see myself wearing a white gown and walking down the aisle. Fancy parties don’t suit me, and I don’t want to spend thousands on a day that’s marketed as “my very special day.”
This episode from the podcast Sounds Like A Cult captures my thoughts about it perfectly. As a nonconformist, being expected to abide by societal traditions isn’t really my thing.
Everything about navigating wedding planning and how it’s usually the bride who’s expected to handle most of it (hence the term “bridezilla”) is not very appealing to me.
But the great thing is, as a nonconformist, I could subvert expectations by defining my own wedding terms, which feels more appealing than following the templated wedding events I usually see.
Some Things I’d Like to Tackle Next
- Are there still any benefits to getting married in the Philippines?
- If I don’t get married, what would that look like?
- Kids are 80% out of the question. What’s the remaining 20% for?
